I can’t say that choosing to be a tattooist was an easy decision, and it hasn’t gotten any easier the longer that I do it.  It is an attractive career choice, yet it is still a job and the whole point of tattooing was to avoid getting a job initially.  There are bright spots throughout the workday, but luckily I can do more than just work on skin and that has kept my sanity intact.  The depth of ‘tattoorockstarego’ that modern tattooing has spawned is my motivation to continue to live and work in a small isolated town as I make it my life’s mission to never be that which is the embarrassing representation of my chosen career that seems to permeate those that associate tattooing with a king’s spoils.  I enjoy my job and the people that come to me for my work, but I will never take them for granted, nor will I treat them as if I’m more important than they are.  That being said, please judge me by my work and not by the collective attitudes of my peers.

• 1996-97 | Began apprenticeship in Spokane, WA, which I believed was/is a required formality to becoming a tattooist.  Also exposed to nanomeds and gamma rays in botched scientific experiment.  Feeling okay so far, but my skin has a greenish tint lately.
   
• 1998 | After tattooing for six months, I won my first two trophies and my eyes were opened to the belly of the beast that is the tattoo world.  Accidentally bitten by a radioactive spider while on a field trip to a laboratory, head aches from time to time, but I’ve developed great equilibrium.
   
• 1999 | Won a few more awards, made a couple appearances in magazines and starting to get my groove.  Made a deal with Galactus to spare my planet in exchange for searching out other planets for him to feast on in many other distant galaxies.  Got a nifty new shiny silver suit for my efforts.  Can’t wait to go back home soon and see the gang.
   
• 2000 | It’s clobberin’ time and I found the fortitude to go out on my own and open up Tarot Tattoo in lil’ ol’ Ephrata, Warshingtun.  Rough going, but still a relief to be my own boss.  But then cosmic rays bombard our spaceship and I got caught in the blast.  Nothing seems to be damaged so far, but my rocks itch.
   
• 2001 |  Met the most influential man in the known universe—Mr. Noel Messer.  Noel opened my eyes to becoming a better tattooer through the use of his tattoo machines.  (check the blog for more on Noel.)  More awards, more press and building up a healthy clientele.  My adamantium skeleton has become a little itchy lately too.  I’ve been lucky that my 18” claws haven’t poked too many unnecessary holes in me or my clients yet!
   
• 2002 | My old band KISS called up and asked if I was keen to a reunion tour.  I happily agree and take the next six months off touring the world.  The birth of my daughter brings me back to pick up where I left off at the tattoo shop and the tour goes on without me.  Friggin’ sellouts!
   
• 2003 | More awards, press, and even writing for tattoo magazines keeps me very busy, but at the request of the federal government I agree to undergo a series of performance enhancing tests and I’m able to defeat the Red Skull and save the world once again.  Better dead than red, kids.
   
• 2004-05 | Work, work, work, write, write, write, tattoo, tattoo, tattoo.  Find time to pump out two screenplays, begin filming a small indie film, seem to get awards in the mail from places unknown.  Nothing from Publisher’s Clearing House, but keeping my fingers crossed.  In a legendary match in Oslo, Sweden. I manage to whoop Batman’s ass on live TV.  I dedicate that fight to my friend Wesley Willis (R.I.P.)
   
• 2006 | More of the same and I’ve added airbrushing hockey goalie masks to my agenda as well as my online tattoo serial show The Parlor.  Challenge that pussy Stephen Hawking to a duel for blatantly ripping off my theories and calling them his own.  I have yet to hear from the coward.  I’ll even fight him sitting down if he’s too lazy to stand up and duke it out!
   
• 2007 |  Too busy to add to my agenda, but I recently discovered electrolytes and they’re what I crave.

PREDICTION:

2008 |  Imminent implosion at any second now.  Total collapse and severely shortened lifespan dead ahead